Hi, my name is Diana and I am in denial about needing to control. I am soft spoken/enabler/martyr/people pleaser. But I have hope. because awareness is the first step to recovery. I do know that I am a people pleaser. I am addicted to needing approval but that area of my life has improved. This is the hardest admission, okay here it goes, “hi my name is Diana and I am an enabler’.
As a people pleaser I worry about what someone is thinking about me. I also wonder if I am doing enough. Which leads to needing approval. One problem I have is I do not think well on my feet. In my brain I immediately take the position that I am wrong and the person that is mad at me is right. So conflict resolution is difficult. When I was in management I worked many hours in order to do the job so that I would win the approval of my manager. Sadly, I realized when I gave up my management position that one may never gain approval of a boss, a co-worker, or a peer. Today I am not in a management position and I have the approval of a boss but I do not need her approval because I work for the Lord. I practice Colossians 3:23 everyday. I say a prayer for the person I am about to see before I walk into the hospital room.
As an enabler, I can admit that I help to much. I think the term may be co-dependent. There is such a fine line in helping your grown child and enabling. I can rationalize that the grandchild will get a diaper rash if there are not enough diapers thus I buy the diapers. The grandchildren will go to school hungry and fail at school if I do not buy groceries. My irrational fear is that my grown child and his family will be homeless.
My hope in this study to really be able to let go and let God when it comes to my family. Recently my husband and I moved in with my mother in law to help care for her when my husband’s dad passed away. I gave up a home, almost everything went into storage. I have to daily focus on the Lord because I have little control here. Can you believe one of the things I miss the most is a garbage disposal. I have learned so many lessons and the main one is that I am honoring God by helping to take care of my mother-in-law who is fiercely independent but is losing her eyesight.
So many verses apply each day that I walk with the Lord. Philippians 1:6 is my favorite. I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected. Each day as I trust and obey I will be able to let go and let God……. Blessings Diana