I had two beliefs that summer day. I was in junior college, in my nursing program. I was in a English class. Our assignment was to write about a belief. I had had a bad morning with my two sons, don’t hate me, but that morning, I thought children were sent to mess up our daily lives. Also, I hated my husband so my other belief was that marriage was like a prison sentence. I could see Child Protective Service visiting me if I wrote that children were sent to sabatouge our daily lives plus I loved my boys and as the morning hours ticked away, I knew the pain in my life, the raw acid, was my hate for my husband.
I was working my way through nursing school so I could divorce my husband. I graduate in 1989 and separated from my husband. As a new nurse, the demands of learning a new job were overwhelming. Additionally, my oldest son decided to stay with his dad. I worked three weeks days one week nights. So every fourth week my youngest son brought me and my husband back together. I had so much pain being away not from my husband but being away from my oldest son. After four months, the difference that caused me so much pain paled in comparison to missing my oldest son and that our family was broken. My husband and I decide to give our marriage another chance.
What did I do with the hate and the pain? In the beginning, I stuffed the hate and pain down deep. I placed my energy in my children, my new career and each day I gave my day to the Lord. Then in 1995, I had the opportunity to go to Israel on a missions trip. Also, Neal Anderson presented a seminar on Freedom In Christ shortly befor I was scheduled to go to Israel. I was encouraged to go through the Steps To Freedom, I met with three ladies and prayed for three hours and I forgave my husband that day for all grievances. We now have been married forty-three years and I did get a life sentence but since 1995, I have learned to love my husband and my marriage was saved and now I am willing staying in our marriage til death. No longer do I feel like I am in prison or full of acid and hate. Forgiveness was the key to opening my prison cell.