Jo Anne Fore author of “When A Woman Finds Her Voice” has impacted my life. I am a member of her online study of the above book. This week Sarah asked, “Has you ever faced a trial that seemed too monumental to understand? The hurt, rejection, pain, suffering and denial feel so real that your only option is to shut it all out. You turn on autopilot and move through life determined to never open that space in your heart again for fear it will consume you. Has there been a time in your life when you questioned God’s love for you? Have you wondered how He could possibly have a purpose in what you’re walking through? How has God answered you? How has God answered you? Are you still searching for answers? ”
As I have worked through the book I have answered questions at the end of the book. It has not been easy a flood of memories and yes pain has rocked my world. On December 23, I had to have a brace placed in my mouth, to stop tongue thrusting that is causing my front teeth to be loose. Along with this brace, I caught up on my reading, and I realized last week I needed to return to counseling. Signs of not coping have shown up in my life, negativity, compulsive spending, feeling sorry for my self.
I have a love for God that has allowed me to survive. I have never questioned His love for me but I have questioned my love for God. I have made choices that impacted my life. The best decision I ever made was accepting Jesus as my savior. I have made some poor choices. However, in 2014, I want to fall in love with His word, and I want to make clear choices not emotional choices. Through spending time in prayer and reading His word, I hope to conquest the negativity.
Does my life have purpose? Has the pain in my life had a purpose. Today, the purpose of my pain is not clear to me. But the love of God, being in the shadow of the cross, the purpose does not matter as long as my life glorifies God.
Am I still searching for answers? I am still searching for purpose. I want to help others who are struggling with walking with God. I love God, He loves me. I want to be in His word and in prayer and to understand His purpose for my life. I want to let go of the pain.
Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong, I am weak but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves me, Yes Jesus love me, Yes Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so. Blessings….Diana