“Many are the plans in a person’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21
Father God, as I read chapter 3 in Let It Go, I realize that I am in struggling with letting go and letting you be in control.
I praise you because you are God, I praise you because you are holy. I praise you because you are all knowing, and you are always present. I praise you because you love me, you know my name.
I struggle with the finer art of manipulation. I struggle when I have to admit that I am trying to be the Holy Spirit in my husband’s life. I can rationalize it because I know that you want my husband to follow you and serve you. I want my sons to be the spirtiual leaders in their families. I think I see a theme.
I want to ask “why me” in the midst of this health crisis. I want to ask why my youngest son struggles to provide for his family. I want to ask why when your sons grow up and leave home, it hurts so bad. I want to ask why when I was once the center of my sons worlds, I am now forgotten on mother’s day.
Why am I not willing to ask as Karen encourages, “what am I suppose to learn at this junction of life that will make me a better person and draw me closer to God?” Oh Lord, I have to admit that sometimes I am afraid of learning the lessons.
Today Lord I would rather be a mirror that reflects God and your plan for me. I am aware that your plan for me is better than my plan for me, because you promise me in Jeremiah 29:11 that your plan is to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.
Let me willingly accept my lot in life, let me practice the art of forgiveness, let me let go of micromanaging and perfectionism. Let me accept that I did not marry the wrong man.
I surrender my need to control the finances. I surrender my need to help my youngest son to provide for his family. I surrender my relationship with my husband to you and I surrender my husband to you. I surrender my need to feel accept in my oldest son’s life. I surrender my health to you.
Your word says in Jeremiah 29:12-13 that when I call on you, you will listen. When I seek you with all my heart, I will find you. I am tired Lord of running the show, of worrying whether my youngest son will heal from his current injury to be able to provide for his family. I am tired of being hurt when I am forgotten. I am tired of being in pain from this last health crisis, so I surrender all of this pain to you.
You are the alpha, the omega, the beginning, the end. Your word says in Psalm 139:14, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Thank you Lord that you accept me and you forgive me and you are not finished with me. Thank you that your are healing me and my son. Thank you that you sent your son that I may have life and have it more abundantely. Thank you for my husband, my sons and the beautiful grandchildren that you have given me. Thank you for all of your blessings, they far out weigh the pain I have in my life. Amen….