Got Mirror?

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all”?

As a toddler, I sat perched on the dressing table in front of the mirror with my mother’s makeup all over my body, my mom saw me and instead of scolding me; she took a picture. I felt love.

As a child, with a blind left eye, the children called me cross eyed baboon. My mom loved me with a love that drew me to God and thou I felt love, my dad had left the ministry when I was two and he traveled the road as an alcoholic, so he was absent. I felt scared. I felt shame.

As a teenager, I had a dressing table and I would look in the mirror, the reflection of orange can curlers, lip gloss because that was all I was allowed to wear was the reflection of a young girl who had stress in her life. There was stress from arguments and of seeing how my mom worried about my father. My father recommitted his life to God when I was seventeen but the damage of an absent father had left the mark of stress in my life. I felt insecure, I felt unworthy. I never believed I was beautiful and I thought the best solution to these feelings was to marry my high school sweetheart at the age of eighteen.

As a young wife, I had a bathroom mirror, fake eye lashes, full makeup. The reflection in the mirror of a young wife was one of uncertainty and stress. I felt unloved and burdened. Often I wondered if I married the wrong man.

As a mom, the bathroom mirror reflected a conflicted woman, do I stay married for the sake of the children, do I choose divorce, how will I be able to support myself and my sons if I choose divorce. The choice to stay in the marriage brought new stress. Counseling. Heartache. In 1995, the choice to forgive enabled my marriage to be saved but did I really want to forgive my dad for the years of the alcoholism, did I really want to forgive my mom for dying when I was twenty-five, did I really want to forgive my husband for the years of betrayal. I had damaged emotions. I felt unloved, unworthy, and the personal sins I had in my life, Satan had me believing that God would never forgive me. I felt shame. Yes, I had to choose to forgive. Healing began.

As a grandma, the wardrobe mirror door reflects a woman who has matured, I no longer wears flash eye lashes, but the lines on my face, reflect the stress I have endured. My body was overweight and the stress of being overweight has damaged my joints. I still pay the price even though I am now at goal weight.  I have endured much illness related to stress, headaches, a perforated ulcer. The lines on my face some of laughter some from sadness are covered by makeup as I go to work as a nurse. I am five years away from retirement which brings a new kind of stress. I am living with my mother in law and this is the life I have chosen because of her being legally blind. But the stress is great.

Dear Lord, you are my redeemer, you have redeemed my past and you will redeem my future. Daily, I have the choice to let stress rule or let your peace conquer my fears, my inadequacies and my impatience that things do not change. You remind us in 1 Corinthians 13:12 that now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. In Psalm 139:14 you say I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Take my stress and replace it with peace because you are a God of peace.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Father God you are the fairest of them all. I am reminded that the good work you began in me, despite the stress I feel, you will complete. Philippians 1:6 I can find grace and mercy to help me in times of need and stress. Hebrews 4:16. I am His beloved and He is mine. I am not the Great I Am but by the grace of God I am who I am, stress or no stress.

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